apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
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