Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Randomize
