I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Randomize
