I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
After tacos, we're chasing women.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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