she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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