I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
