Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
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