I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Randomize
