She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
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