Acid is not a monday night drug
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
Randomize
