I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
Randomize
