I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
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