i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
