So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
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