just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Randomize
