Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Randomize
