This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Randomize
