Jerry, you need to find god
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
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