this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize
