You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
