I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
