I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
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