well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
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