I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
