I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
