I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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