I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
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