my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
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