getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
