So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
Randomize
