Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
Randomize
