And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
I was not drunk enough for that final.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
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