Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
The air was thick with penises
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
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