sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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