Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
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