so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
