im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
