Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
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