Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
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