I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Randomize
