im holly from the hills drunk
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
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