I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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