There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
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