You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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