I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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