his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
