Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
