Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
