Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
