He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Randomize
