I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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