Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
